love can move mountains

some inspiration for Zoe this morning…
(we are not giving up on you, baby girl!)

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A cynical mind
Won't help you through the night
And it can't hold you up
When you're too tired to fight

Where you didn't have the strength
To look after yourself
You find all that you need
For somebody else
 (But love can move mountains)

That impossible task
You're thinking of
Is one you can complete
When you're driven by love

And the strength that you find
Won't go slipping away
Once it enters your soul
It's re-born every day

(Love can move mountains)
So if you're lucky enough to live
To see love come your way
Be thankful every day
That it stays
Love that it stays

A cynical mind
Won't help you through the night
And it can't hold you up
When you're too tired to fight

(But love can move mountains)  

call to action / and baby makes…4?

 
Seven months ago we signed a 12 page legal contract with our adoption agency. One of the points on that contract explained that a pregnancy would result in the termination of your adoption process. I thought "how terrible would that be" but didn't think we would need to worry about that. Boy, has that moment come back to haunt me.

I realize that this is a strange way to announce a pregnancy which is supposed to be a joyful time and not overshadowed by devastating news that our precious baby girl's adoption could potentially be terminated when I reach 13 weeks (which happens to be near the end of August for those who like to do math). Talk about an overwhelming range of emotions in the span of a few hours this past Thursday afternoon.

One glimmer of hope is that we know our agency has made exceptions to this policy in the past. We are also so blessed to be working with a very dedicated social worker who supports our commitment to adopt our daughter 100%. 

We believe very strongly that God orchestrated the referral of our sweet "veggie baby" and in our hearts, she is already our daughter. Saying that and clinging to the knowledge that our agency has made exceptions in the past, we have developed a plan to petition Holt for our daughter's adoption.

This is where we need YOUR help!

Phase one of "Operation Bring Home Baby Zoe" (previously referred to as "veggie baby" - yes, we finally decided on a name!) will be to compile as many SUPPORT letters as possible from friends and family with the following information:
 
1. First, address your letter to Holt International and state something positive about Brad and I (such as our passion for adoption and the support of orphans, etc.)
 
2. Your belief that we are capable of raising two babies - special needs or not.

3. What you will volunteer to do to help us make our adoption a success after Zoe is home.

4. Then sign and date the letter and include your address and phone number as well so someone could contact you to verify your support.

5. Finally, have your letters notarized and get them to Brad or I.  (I can provide our mailing address if needed) 

We are relying on your help! We hope to send these compiled letters straight to the desk of Holt's president ASAP to petition for our daughter's adoption. If you are willing and able to help us and baby Zoe in this way, please email me here and I will gladly send you our mailing address.

As amazing a miracle that this pregnancy is in our eyes (and the fertility specialists who gave us zero hope over a year ago), adoption was never our "Plan B". The fact that we are now adding to our family through birth in no way changes our desire and commitment to adopt our adored Zoe girl from Korea. I believe with all of my heart that God has called us to adopt and that the circumstances surrounding Zoe's referral where completely ordained of God. We know he can move this mountain for us because "Faithful is he that calls you, who also will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24

Please pray for our "veggie baby", our "miracle baby" and our future "China baby" as well as for us to be able to accept whatever happens down the road. Your support and prayers are so deeply appreciated! 

"yes, we have no bananas…"

Is anyone besides me familiar with that old song from the roaring 20's? If not, humor me and look it up here. (You don't know what you're missing.)

These days in the Searls' house, it would make more sense for the song to say "yes, we have gone bananas" since the news we received last week regarding our time line to bring "veggie baby" home. It seems very likely that we will have to wait until next YEAR to travel but only God knows! Maybe he's got another miracle up his sleeve for us. We're still hanging on to that thread – and hoping the whole sleeve doesn't unravel. 

Several weeks ago, we were totally surprised with the gift of a changing table, crib and mattress for "veggie baby"! Our house is small-ish and the future nursery is currently being used for a rec/TV room, so we had not assembled the crib yet since we had no where to put it...something must have snapped this weekend. Brad was apparently restless Saturday afternoon and decided to assemble the crib smack-dab in the middle of our living room. I came home from running some errands and walked in the front door only to be greeted by a fully assembled baby crib. It literally had swallowed up the remaining space in our living room. So, this morning I decided PJ should try it out. I'm not sure what Brad's plan for the crib is now, but we have family coming in 4 days and they are all too large to sleep in a crib. It does make a good dog cage though – very fancy indeed and much nicer than those horrid metal crates.

baby blessings…

The last couple of weeks have been a little hectic but so full of unexpected blessings! 

I'll try to recap the events since my last post in a list form for easier reading. But first, check out this amazing photo of Seoul, S. Korea…

compliments of http://thebesttraveldestinations.com/tag/korea/

1. We received "veggie baby's" first Well Baby Clinic from Korea. She is still noted as "cute and fine"…the terminology on their reports always makes me chuckle. Maybe it's just the translation that suffers because I would have put her in the "beautiful and devastatingly adorable" category.

2. Later, we received another blood panel report from last month which freaked us out because it stated that her phenylalanine levels were "markedly elevated" from the previous month. yikes!!!

3. The next day, we finally heard back from our metabolic specialist in town with GOOD news regarding the 30+ pages of medical info on her disorder. It looks like she has a milder form of PKU *praise the Lord*! And the "markedly elevated" blood levels were still within the "good control" range. (thanks for the unnecessary coronary - probably another result of lost in translation) Time will tell how strict we will have to be with her diet, but basically we will be monitoring her PKU through a vegetarian/vegan/gluten free diet…and NO beans, nuts or seeds. Surprisingly, there are a lot of foods that she CAN eat - just NOT the typical American diet - which is FINE by me! Here's to positive thinking!

4. God has been providing for us to bring home "veggie baby" through some totally unexpected ways. We received a brand new, beautiful baby crib, mattress and changing table - a completely unexpected surprise! And last week we received two very unexpected donations for our adoption expenses. One came from a church in Scotland who hosted a bake sale to benefit our adoption! The most amazing and humbling part is that I've never even met the members of this church - except for ONE member who was a roommate from my college years. Wow - what an expression of God's love. We were speechless!

5. My super talented and artistic sister has spent many, many hours refurbishing furniture and designing items to sell in support of our adoption. I can't thank her enough for the long nights and hard work she put into all of that. You are awesome, sis! 

6. My sister-in-law, the master crochet-er/seamstress, has also been feverishly working on market bags and crocheted creations to help bring "veggie baby" home as well. The items are super cute for babies, kids, AND adults (we both wear them). I will be selling these at the community garage sale this weekend in the North Main area (come out, all you garage sale divas) and at the Family Adoption Fundraiser that Julie Zimmer is hosting for us on August 6! (my family and friends are priceless!)

7. Finally, in regards to the uncertainty about the EP situation in Korea and not knowing if we will be able to bring our little girl home this year or next…it probably goes without saying that I have been praying for a miracle a lot lately. I usually end up praying myself to sleep about it and last night was no different. I asked God for peace (and a miracle) and told him I know he controls the situation and "the kings heart"…I think I drifted off at that point. So this morning I decided to read the "Proverb of the Day" and guess what the first verse told me - "The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turns it wherever he will" How cool is that to hear God respond like that! It is ultimately up to him when we will be able to bring our baby home and it's great to know that he is also in control of the EP situation in Korea! We are believing that we will be able to bring her home this year - maybe even before her first birthday.

There have been so many little blessings that I could probably write a book. I know I'm forgetting to mention something (which is why I need to post on here more regularly) but hopefully I've communicated enough to show my gratitude and awe.

So, what's next? More waiting and hopefully shorter but even more exciting blog posts in the near future…

prayer request…

I never would have imagined a month ago that we would have already seen our baby girl's face (in pictures) and be waiting to bring her home! The shock has worn off now – it took about a month – and feelings of complete uncertainty have taken its place. The next BIG step that we are waiting on is baby girl's emigration permit (EP) from Korea. The problem (at least in my eyes) is they are running out of their EP's for the year - rapidly!

Please pray with us that our "veggie baby" will be granted her EP soon and that we will be able to bring her home this year! I worry about her PKU treatment as she gets older and starts to eat solid foods that her diet will be followed closely enough. Its pretty easy to monitor when she's on formula and rice cereal…which is helping me not to be worried as much for now.

oh the joys of "unconventional" motherhood. It's like we have a full time baby sitter - in Korea. I'm so thankful for her (second) foster family and all that they are doing for her to keep her healthy, safe and loved. It's sad that we won't be able to meet her first foster family from her birth city and thank them as well. Next item on my list is to send a care package to "veggie baby" and her foster mother. I plan to create a children's picture book for them so they can all have a glimpse into our life - our crazy photos, family and of course our dog-children!

Until then, I'm rejoicing over having a baby sans the stretch marks! Although, it does make me sad to know she is growing up on the other side of the world and we are missing it…

our veggie baby

Because Brad and I cannot make a decision on our daughter's future "Americanized" name, from here-on-out, she will be referred to as "veggie baby" for the reasons to follow… 

Since veggie baby's referral several weeks ago, and learning of her special need, I have been talking to specialists as well as researching on my own. (what would I do without the internet?…live at the library!) 

In a nutshell, here's what I've uncovered…

1. In 1934, Ivar Asbjörn Følling published PKU as being a cause of mental debilitation in children. (Frightening!)

2. Phenylketonuria (PKU) is a rare metabolic disorder that prevents the normal breakdown of protein in the body which builds up in the blood stream and becomes TOXIC to brain tissue.

3. At least 1 baby in 25,000 is born with PKU in the US.
 

4. This metabolic disorder can be controlled successfully through a very strict life-long diet combining low protein foods and supplements and regular blood level monitoring. (enter the reason for our title, "veggie baby")
 

5. There are strains of PKU ranging from mild to severe. We are waiting to hear back from our specialist regarding the results of the medical records we have been provided.

6. We have a good resource of metabolic specialists and dietitians experienced with PKU patients in town, so we won't be left in the dark wondering how to care for her.

7. My first experiment with a low protein dish (potato salad) took an entire hour to prepare…ergo, I need to work on my speed in the kitchen. It DID taste pretty great though. Hope this kid likes potato salad…

8. I found an iPhone app for PKU families! It contains tons of recipes and data entry functions for keeping track of food protein consumption and blood level results. I love technology. 

9. The state of SC (if I am understanding correctly) provides the PKU formula that is necessary for proper growth and development at no charge to families. This is a huge blessing since the supplement formula comes with a hefty price tag. Thank you, Jesus!

10. I've been looking for an excuse to become more consistently vegetarian in my diet. Thank you, veggie baby, for making that possible. Go watch Food, Inc. if you are looking for a reason to cut down on your meat consumption.

PLEASE PRAY with us that our veggie baby will receive her emigration permit ASAP from Korea so we can bring her home and be able to monitor her diet, growth and development. The first year of life in a PKU patient's life is very important! We are hoping for a medical update soon since she is having her blood levels checked monthly in Seoul. 

 

beautiful time lapse video - Seoul

Seoul Time Lapse 2011 from Oh Choong Young on Vimeo.

seoul searching…

we had expected the events of my previous post and the following to be spread out over the next several months, NOT the last couple of weeks. I could sleep for 3 days straight to catch up on my recent lack thereof…*please note, the following post is startlingly transparent (for me) purposefully to encourage/motivate anyone who is also in the adoption process or considering adoption…

wednesday, may 11…

after our referral, reality started to set in as we researched her special need in more depth. our next step was to consult with an international adoption specialist for her professional view on our baby's special needs. I contacted the doctor Tuesday night and she called back the next morning with her medical opinion. she was very thorough and knowledgeable but totally scared me to death with her "what if's" and possible future health problems we might face. my excitement turned to fear and apprehension as my eyes were opened and I researched more about her metabolic disorder. the rest of the day I was in a fog and had no direction whatsoever, so I continued to research online. I came across a website branded "cook for love" (remember this title, it's important later) that was started by two mothers of children with her same condition. this was encouraging but I kept thinking, are WE really up to this challenge (specifically ME, since treatment mostly involves a VERY strict diet - for life) I started imagining my every waking moment being spent in the kitchen measuring and weighing foods, keeping detailed records of her food consumption in addition to regular blood tests and clinical appointments. but basically the only reasons I was coming up with to NOT adopt her were completely selfish and based in fear.

thursday, may 12…

I had another short night of sleep and woke up with no more direction than I had gone to bed with the night before, so I grabbed for the devotional book on my night stand and opened to the page I had book marked previously. the day's devotional was titled "learning to love", I Cor 13 was the text, and the author's first line was "I love to cook…". she proceeded to explain how she finds joy in showing love for her family by cooking for them. hmm. it kind of felt like God had slapped me upside the head with that one and said "yo, get with the program - this is obviously MY gift to you, accept her." it was my "aha moment" and exactly what I needed because I felt totally at peace about adopting her after that. I had been "waiting on a sign" and that was a startlingly clear one. later that morning, I talked to specialists and dietitians in town and our conversations were much more encouraging, definitely not rosy but not terrifying either.

Brad came home for lunch and as we sat there talking about adopting this little girl, I received another email from Holt informing us that her country fee had been reduced. *cue Twilight Zone music* what's this, another sign? I was in shock, from what I understood this fee is sometimes reduced if the child is going to need multiple surgeries etc. after coming home to the States. AND in addition to that, Holt was willing to work with us on the payment terms for the country program fee which is typically due at the time of acceptance. we were really expecting to have at least a few more months to save up, fund raise, etc. and that road block was removed. it is crazy exciting to see how God is working out all of the details for us to be able to adopt our baby girl. it is an amazing journey and I'm so thankful GOD CHOSE US to be her parents and for EVERYTHING he took us through to get to this point! at 1:30, I called our agency and informed them we wanted to adopt her!

friday through tuesday…
a very long weekend

waiting…waiting…waiting…to hear back from our agency about the questionnaire we were required to submit about our baby. monday I was interviewed by our agency who basically wanted to make sure we understood what we were accepting with her metabolic disease (PKU). thankfully I had spent the last week researching LATE into the night and was able to sound intelligent in my responses. (they were looking for something more than just "we love her and want to adopt her!")

wednesday, may 18…

we had our USCIS fingerprinting appointments up in Charlotte and on our way back home, I received an email from Holt. it was the acceptance paperwork that we had been waiting on for the past 9 days! 

monday, may 23…

we were able to finally ship the rather large acceptance paperwork package back to our agency. what a relief…

I'm too excited to sleep these days and we can't WAIT to be able to share her precious, delightfully chubby baby cheeks with you all. (for confidentiality reasons, we are not able to post her photos online at this time. just trust me when I say she is the most adorable baby we've ever laid eyes on!)

*one more thought - the fact that our referral is a GIRL is so unbelievable, she is obviously meant to be our daughter! we were totally expecting and prepared for a BOY because in order to adopt a girl from Korea, families are required to FIRST adopt a BOY. so, wow…God must have some big plans for this baby!

it's a girl!

this was turning into a ridiculously long post, so I'll be submitting it in stages so not to bore anyone. it's still pretty long - but don't say I didn't warn you…

 
it all started last Monday when I was frustrated out of my MIND. for some reason, it was taking an absurd amount of time for our Korea home study to be finalized. it was no one's fault in particular, just the "way it was". but it sure seemed to be M.I.A. and I was starting to get M.I.F.F.E.D.

fast forward 24 hours… 



tuesday, may 10, 4:52…

I was feverishly working at my computer on some project when I was interrupted by the familiar "ding" of the new email message alert. it was from our agency's waiting child program manager asking if I would be interested in reviewing the file of a LITTLE GIRL they had not been able to match with a family yet. they were getting ready to post her on the shared online photo listing. (side note: the shared list is something that I checked every day - multiple times a day, but had no desire to really pursue a child through that process since it involves the possibility of loosing the child to a "better equipped family". too much stress for katie.) so, yes, I was in TOTAL SHOCK (our home study wasn't even finalized yet, how can we have a referral already? that's not the way it works!) but I managed to email her back immediately with a "yes, please" (as if I would have said NO)

15 minutes later… 

I received baby girl's files and photos. my jaw hit the keyboard when I saw her and I think I squeaked something out like "my baby!". I knew right away she was supposed to be our baby…she is totally A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E. (not sure why I keep spelling words out like this, it just seems more emphatic) I scanned quickly through her health records, googled her medical condition (I'll save that topic for a future post) and as I researched, I thought, "this child could not be any more perfect for us". W.O.W. {insert wild emotions here} 

soon after that… 

Brad was not home from work yet so my brain started racing…how could I surprise him with this HUGE news? I began dashing around the house searching for ideas. he could be home ANY MINUTE! then it came to me…I hadn't picked up the mail yet. so, I printed out her referral pics, stuffed them in an envelope labeled "daddy", high-tailed it down to our box and buried it within the other mail, and dashed back into the house…just in time. 

like a deranged stalker, I spied on him from my office window as he pulled into the driveway, parked the car and made his way up the walk to the house - mail in hand. I quickly sat down at the computer pretending to "work" as he opened the front door. I cranked up my iPhone just before he walked into my office - I had to (secretly) get this on video. with mail still in hand, he proceeded to tell me this story about his mom calling him earlier that day asking him "where he was" (apparently this is not unusual behavior for her - if she sees something on the news about a plane wreck, etc., she'll feel the need to check on Brad) so, he continued to talk for what seemed like ages. finally, he held up THE ENVELOPE and says, "I found this in the mail and I'm curious if MOM put it in there this afternoon". (seriously, Brad, enough about your mom already) then, trying to stay composed I asked, "well, did you open it?!?!" that was apparently the cue he needed and the rest is history. there were a lot of emotions and "squeaking" heard from me as Brad later referred to it. we had a long laugh about that video later. we called a "meeting" at coffee underground and secured a corner booth to review her files in detail and stare at her amazing pictures some more...like a couple undercover agents on some secret mission. 

words I refuse to utter…and some good news

Although I'm really NOT a fan of the term "paper pregnant", (it just sounds wacky to me, but it is thrown around frequently in the adoption world) technically that's what we are!

Our home study has been officially approved by our agency for our Korea special needs program - yay! Time for I-600 paperwork and OCD re-appearance! It's time to occupy myself with work, nursery designs and "nesting" (another term I'm not particularly fond of - I picture bird droppings all over my house when I hear that…?) Anyway, I'll take it if it means we're one step closer!

this is one checklist that I have mastered…no contest!