Monday, August 13, 2012

TRAVEL CALL and other divine appointments…

Brad and I were eating lunch at home on Friday and not even expecting a travel call since we had been disappointed for three days waiting and wondering if the call would ever come. We assumed we would have another long weekend to get through without any news…but then at exactly 12:42, the crazy ring tone I had assigned to our agency started blaring from its spot on the kitchen table. We both froze and kind of looked at each other almost not believing this could really be it. The girl from our agency told me she had good news for us and I probably broke her ear drum with my pig squeals of emotion…sorry, Stephanie. Then it was down to business and we started making our flight arrangements which literally took the next several hours. But we are happy to announce that a week from today, we will become a family of four. This still seems surreal and we have tons to get ready before we leave for Seoul but we have never been more excited for a 13 hour plane ride!


I was contacted out of the blue a couple weeks ago by a fellow adoptive mama who said she had found my blog and a post I had made when we started our adoption process. It was about the little boy in China that we were sponsoring through Bethany Christian Services. She believed that the boy they adopted was the same boy that we had sponsored for months. After I sent her all the reports we had received on him, it was clear that he was indeed the same little boy. How awesome is that!? I love that God connected us and that we were able to play a small role in his development while this sweet family waited to bring him home! 

Consider sponsoring a child through an adoption agency - it really does make a difference!

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

the "adoption cocoon" and what it means for our family

This is probably the toughest post I've had to write so far because I don't want to come across as crazy but I realize our desires need to be expressed…

*sucking air*

Attachment is a critical concept in parenting any child successfully. But attachment is THE critical concept in successfully parenting an adopted child. Attachment is TRUST building. Thanks to Max, I understand how this happens in the infant/parent relationship. Baby cries, his needs are met and he learns trust through this cycle. However, Zoe is coming to us after almost two years of life experience and multiple losses - first with her birth mother, then her first foster family after 5 months, and soon to be second foster family after almost 19 months. This is a pattern that she will likely expect to repeat itself. But this is where we will help her rebuild trust and accept us as her "forever family".

and this brings me to the point of this post…

When we arrive home from Korea, we welcome our friends and family to meet us at the airport for Zoe's homecoming. (Details will be available to anyone who would like to come.)

When we get back to our home sweet home, Brad and I will be the only two to meet Zoe's needs for at least her first month home or longer if necessary. This includes showing affection, comforting her, feeding, bathing, dressing, etc…


Zoe needs to learn (across a huge language barrier) that we are her parents and she can trust us. We will attempt to earn her trust by quickly, lovingly and repeatedly meeting her needs. 

When we finally venture out of our "cocoon" we welcome your kind words to Zoe. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Zoe needs to know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted friends. If she is running around and comes to you for holding or comfort, please, direct her back to us. Maybe say, "Let's go find your mama. She's happy to hold you." A child who is struggling with attachment may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually quite dangerous for the child.

As soon as we are comfortable that Zoe understands we are her parents and we will be here for her no matter what, then we will welcome you holding and hugging and loving on her. We want to share her with you and know you love her, too. And we are so thankful for your love and support through this process. 

Does this plan seem odd? 

It would to me, if we hadn't read what feels like a million books on adoption and attachment. There are plenty of stories of families who did NOT cocoon or guard the basic care giving duties of their newly adopted child and sadly, they regretted it. But I have yet to know of any families who DID cocoon and guard the basic care giving duties who regretted it. No one we know was sorry they guarded and protected and kept their new child's world small. This is often hard for the parents. But it is GREAT for the new child. 
Finally, I don't want to make sweeping generalities here. Not all adopted kids and/or their new families are alike. I am not an expert on any of this and readily admit it.  I only know what I learned from other adoptive parents who shared their experiences as well as through personal study, classes, books, and articles.  

Truly, the real education is about to begin and though crazy nervous, we are excited and ready for this adventure to begin…

Monday, August 06, 2012

happiness mixed with heartache…a hard "adoption pill" to swallow

As I type this Zoe is on her way to the embassy for her big visa interview. It is the LAST step needed before we receive our travel call! And as excited as this makes me, I am also aware of the sadness that her foster family must be experiencing now that their days with Zoe are coming to an end. Imagine loving and caring for a child 16+ months of her life and knowing that she will be going to live on the other side of the world with a family you have never met. 

The reality is that one of the happiest days of my life - meeting Zoe and bringing her into our little family - will be one of the saddest, confusing and potentially terrifying days of her little life. 

All caused by me. 

It's a hard pill to swallow but I realize it is part of the adoption process - a stage we will get through with a lot of prayer and patience.

So, as you share in our extreme happiness and these amazing turn of events today, please pray for Zoe and her wonderful foster family - all five of them - for emotional strength and healing for their soon-to-be-breaking hearts.

We are hoping for/expecting our travel call tomorrow and I can see now the timing could not be more perfect.

Thursday, August 02, 2012

calling all donations…and some Zoe love

We have received some donations to take to Korea and wanted to post their current top needs. We still have room for additional items, so if anyone would like to donate something, we would be happy to haul them overseas!

1. SPECIAL NEED - Ergo Baby Carries (or similar) - new or gently used
2. Gerber Rice Cereal (single grain) - Single gain rice cereal is an urgent, important and ongoing need for Holt Korea.
3. Finger food snacks such as Gerber puffs (sweet potato is a good flavor) or Gerber Lil' Crunchies (mild cheddar is a popular flavor).
4. Baby & toddler Clothing - They need preemie (new born) until 2T, 3T. There is a greater need for boys clothes than girls clothing. As children are staying in care longer, the need for older baby and toddler clothing has grown. Please send new clothes.

What a week this has been - full of disappointing phone calls to DC. (sometimes twice a day because that's how crazed I am at this point) And then today, it came to our attention that we had missed an email from our agency in April that contained 8 of the most amazing photos of Zoe! My heart…it is hard watching her grow up in photos. She needs to be home. now. I showed Max her pictures on my larger than life monitor and he smiled hugely and acted crazy excited. I think he's ready for his big sister. I can't wait to see these two together. soon. and now the bragging can begin…

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

"labor" pains

This part of Zoe's adoption is worse than being 41 weeks pregnant and waiting for labor to start. 

The symptoms, however, are freakishly similar…lack of sleep, irritability, hot flashes…at least I'm not physically huge and uncomfortable this time around, but the emotions and mental unrest is 100 times more challenging.

The only thing we are waiting on is for Zoe's visa interview and our travel call. That's it. We are so close but still seem so far away.

So, what am I doing to pass the time these days…enjoying my one-on-one time with the sweet but spoiled baby Max, making lists - A LOT of lists, working on re-branding and brain storming some new fund raising ideas for Zoe and our future adoptions, and of course, trying to stay calm. 

But mostly, I'm on board the crazy train, people. That travel call could happen any day now. Maybe tomorrow!

It's been two months since an update from Korea and I need some new photos of our girl. This still doesn't seem real. Maybe it will sink in once Zoe is home and I see her and Max playing together and causing ruckus. 

But through it all, God is good and continues to provide. I am blessed.